Think Wanting More Makes You Selfish? Here’s Why That’s Keeping You Stuck
There’s a reason “good on paper” doesn’t always feel good in your body.
It’s the kind of feeling that’s hard to explain — because technically, nothing’s wrong.
I mean, you’re admired, respected, maybe even envied for all the ‘good on paper’ stuff.
But behind the success and achievements? It’s not enough anymore — and you don’t know why.
Darling —success without soul —is just survival in a better outfit.
And it sure isn’t sustainable.
You’ve been taught to be grateful.
And you are . . .
But lately, gratitude feels like a guilt trip — one that keeps you in a life that looks good but doesn’t feel like you. And wanting more —well, feels selfish...
Let’s pause right there — because that thought — that wanting more means you’re ungrateful and selfish —is a myth.
A well-worn, deeply conditioned one. And it’s quietly holding you back from truly living, to dragging yourself through it because “it is what it is.”
So let me hit you with some needed truth . . .
Wanting more isn’t selfish. It’s honest. It’s human.
It’s a signal — not of your ingratitude — but of your evolution.
This desire of yours isn’t selfish — it’s sacred. And continuing to dismiss it in the name of “gratitude” is quietly stealing your energy, joy, and sense of purpose in how you show up and express yourself.
So —in this blog post, we’re going to unpack why this myth — that wanting more is selfish — is so easy to believe, how it keeps you stuck, and what becomes possible when you finally let it go.
Ready? Let’s get into it.
Here’s what I’m covering — (You can click below to jump to any section)
Why You’ve Been Led to Believe That Wanting More Is Selfish
It’s not your fault you’ve internalized this message—the world has trained you to think this way.
From a young age, many women—are taught to be grateful, polite, and not “ask for too much”. Society hands out gold stars for self-sacrifice and calls it “humility.”
You’ve been praised for being hardworking, accommodating, humble, and grateful.
You've internalized messages like “Don’t rock the boat,” “Be thankful for what you’ve got,” and “Some people have it worse.”
And because success is often measured by external checkboxes — job title, salary, achievements — not by how you feel inside . . .
—You’ve been celebrated for what you do, not for who you are.
Hence —in a world that rewards productivity over presence and performance over authenticity —of course you’ve flippin’ come to believe that gratitude and desire can’t exist together.
That even when your soul is quietly screaming that something’s off —you need to be endlessly thankful for pushing through, making it work, and being the one who “has it all together.
So yes it makes perfect (illogical) sense that you’d question your desire for more!!! (WTF!)
You’ve been taught that staying in your lane is responsible. That settling is maturity. That comfort means success.
And because you’re so good at playing the role—so good at showing up, checking boxes, and making it all look effortless—this myth has taken deep root.
But this isn’t about having more stuff.
It’s about having more truth, alignment, joy, and meaning.
It’s about feeling deeply connected to the life you're living.
**So you’re not selfish for wanting more — you’re just waking up. Waking up to stop betraying your desires and start listening to that inner knowing . . .
How This Myth Has Been Holding You Back
When you believe that wanting more makes you ungrateful or selfish — it creates a loop of silent suffering.
That guilt? That inner wrestling with “Why isn’t this enough?” — it’s exhausting. And over time, it chips away at your clarity, your energy, and your sense of self.
You second-guess your decisions.
You second-guess your desires — even the ones that feel soul-deep.
You question your own clarity.
You wonder, “Is this even valid? Am I just being dramatic?”
And slowly, your own wants begin to feel like a threat — something to push away instead of pay attention to.
So, you say yes out of obligation —and suppress the parts of you that are quietly aching to be expressed . . .
You end up spending enormous energy meeting expectations, keeping up appearances, and doing what you think you're supposed to do — at work, in relationships, in how you show up every day.
And so very little of that energy —is going toward actually exploring who you are now, or what you truly want — because you’re not the same version you were 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago.
. . . All the while, you smile, perform, and keep showing up — because this is “just how it is,” right?
The result?
A life that's curated to look successful… but feels hollow on the inside . . . (OUCH!!)
And guess what? —over time, this creates a pattern:
Under-the-surface resentment — the kind you try to suppress but can’t quite name. . . That ends up leaking into your relationships, your work, and even how you treat yourself — because you show up for everyone but yourself. You do all the “right” things while silently wondering, “When is it my turn?”
Stagnation masked as stability — you stay in jobs, routines, roles, and versions of yourself that feel “safe,” even though they’re silently suffocating you.
Decision-making from fear, not clarity — every choice gets filtered through fear, pressure, or guilt, instead of through clarity and inner knowing.
A subtle sense of disempowerment — as if you’re watching your life unfold instead of truly living it, because you quiet your longings instead of honoring them. And that kind of self-abandonment doesn’t just sting — it builds.
Emotional burnout — because it takes so much energy to keep overriding your truth in the name of being “grateful.”
Does this all sound familiar?
And the thing is, even if no one else can see it —you can feel it.
— You sense the stagnation in your spirit.
— You feel emotionally drained, even after accomplishing something “big.”
— You scroll through your own life wondering if you’ll ever find your spark again.
And worst of all?
You may have started to believe this is just how life is now. That the best you can hope for is tolerating a life that feels slightly off — because you’ve convinced yourself that’s the cost of success.
Too many beautiful, wonderful and brilliant Soul Sistas pour their energy into maintaining lives that noooo longer fit — just because they think they should be grateful. They betray their own longings in the name of keeping the peace or looking responsible.
And it drains them. Deeply.
But here’s the beautiful part — this discontent isn’t the problem.
—It’s the invitation.
So — next up let’s talk about what’s actually true . . .
Here’s What’s Actually True (and deeply freeing)
Growth is not ingratitude. You are allowed to outgrow things.
Gratitude and growth are not opposites — they’re teammates. YAY!!
Just because you can tolerate a life that feels “fine” doesn’t mean you should.
Outgrowing something doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate it. It simply means you’re ready for something different. And that’s a good thing.
You can appreciate your current life and still crave a life that feels more like you.
This shift starts by reclaiming your power — recognizing that you don’t need permission from anyone to want what you want.
And when you come home to your authentic self — when you start listening to your deeper knowing — you begin to trust that . . .
. . . even without all the answers yet —you’re safe to want what you want.
What becomes possible?
✨ Clarity replaces confusion.
✨ Energy returns.
✨ Your inner world starts to feel congruent.
✨ You begin making bold, aligned moves — not from fear or pressure, but from wholeness.
And from that place, the possibilities?
Truly infinite.
It’s not about burning your life down.
It’s about coming home to yourself — making choices that align with who you are now, not who you had to be to get here.
So, What Can You Do Differently Now?
Start measuring success by how you feel — not by how it looks to others.
Define it on your own terms —not by what looks good on LinkedIn, but by what feels good in your body. What energizes you. What brings you home to yourself.
Create your own soul metrics — internal guideposts that help you know you’re on your path, not just checking someone else’s boxes.
Here’s what I recommend:
Create those soul metrics — so that success that feels like freedom, not obligation.
Such as . . .
✨ Saying yes to what lights you up, not what looks impressive.
✨ Making decisions from peace, not pressure.
✨ Trusting your desire as a compass, not a threat.Let gratitude and desire be partners — like co-existing truths. Where you get to say thank you for what is and still say yes to what’s next . . . So instead of using gratitude as a reason to stay put — let it become the fuel for expansion.
Start listening to the quiet nudges — for gawd sake, stop analyzing, silencing, or pathologizing desire. Just start trusting it. Longing is data —it’s the direction leading you back to your true self, darling . . .
And this is where I come in :)
. . . it’s what I help women do through my 1:1 coaching, using my guiding framework — The Hustle Detox — a gentle but powerful return to your truest self.
Inside my 1:1 private coaching experience, we work together to:
✨ Unlearn the Grind —release the myth that wanting more makes you selfish.
Reconnect with who you are beneath the pressure, the roles, and the performance.
P.S. Unlearning the grind doesn’t necessarily mean you need to leave it all behind. It’s about showing up in your life — work, relationships, everything — from a different space, energy, and vibe that you get to bring with you wherever you are.
So —it’s not about starting over (unless that’s what you wholeheartedly choose . . .)
✨ Break Free —dismantle the expectations and conditioning keeping you small.
Say YES to the desires you’ve silenced.
✨ Live Limitlessly —No more shrinking, proving, or performing. Just truth, purpose, and expansion.
The result?
✨ Clarity that guides your decisions.
✨ Energy that returns to your body and life.
✨ A deep sense of peace — because you’re no longer fighting yourself.
It feels like freedom. It feels like you.
You Might Be Wondering This Though . . .
“But what if I go after what I want and end up regretting it?”
Good question. And yes — the fear of change is real.
But you wanna know the bold truth —Regret rarely comes from choosing yourself. It comes from abandoning yourself.
When you make decisions grounded in clarity and alignment — not fear or escape — you’re not running away.You’re honoring your truth.
And the beautiful part?
Even if things change or evolve (because life does), you trust yourself enough to navigate it. That’s what makes it safe to grow.
Because you’re not chasing something — you’re returning to yourself.
But here’s what’s even more real:
— Living in quiet resentment and disconnection is already costing you.
However, you don’t have to leap without support —that’s why I’m here :)
My coaching offers a grounded, intuitive container where you get to explore what’s next from a place of clarity and trust in yourself...
. . . not wild abandonment (unless that’s your vibe!).
Let’s recap
You’ve learned that:
Wanting more doesn’t make you ungrateful — it makes you human.
That myth was born in a world that praises performance over truth.
It’s not your fault for believing it. You were conditioned to.
Believing it keeps you stuck, exhausted, and disconnected.
The truth? Growth is natural. Desire is sacred. And gratitude and longing can co-exist.
When you stop betraying your desires, you reclaim your energy, your clarity, and your power.
**So —you’re not selfish for wanting more. You’re allowed to change. You’re allowed to evolve. And you’re allowed to create a life that doesn’t just look good — but feels right.
Your Next Step to More . . .
If you’re ready to stop settling for a life that just looks good — and start creating one that actually feels good — I’d love to support you.
✨ Book a complimentary 30-minute coaching call with me.
. . . a pressure-free space where you’ll get clarity on where you are, where you want to go, and how my 1:1 coaching can support you in making it real — without sacrificing your soul along the way.
You don’t have to figure it out alone. And you don’t have to keep tolerating a life that doesn’t fully fit.
Let’s explore what’s next for you.
CLICK HERE To Book Your 30-min Complimentary “GET REAL” Call —I hope to see you on the inside, darling.
Big love ᥫ᭡
PS — Craving more bold truths & good vibes?
Join my Limitless & Untamed email list — for the women who are done settling and ready to live wide open.
Real talk, and the soulful reminders you didn’t know you needed — to help you live, lead, and create from your most authentic self.
It’s free. It’s nourishing. And it’s designed to remind you of who you really are.
CLICK HERE To Get On The List —I hope to see you on the inside, darling ᥫ᭡
